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| Some words of wisdom from Mom |
| 05.30.04 (10:10 pm) [edit] |
"A lot of times girls go for the guys that they are certain no one else would ever want--it's a psychological thing. How do I know this? [[i]puts her arm in the air and points down at herself[/i]] Me. Hopefully they grow out of it before it's too late."
Thanks, Mom. I think that's a complement (girls aren't flocking to this guy, so I must not be hopeless yet).
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| Disturbed sleep=lots of dreams |
| 05.26.04 (5:38 pm) [edit] |
I had another very strange dream this morning. At first, I was in AP English class in high school, and then we went to lunch. My friend (?) Melissa asked me if I'd eat lunch with them, and so I took my lunch and sat down, and they all went to get their food. When they all came, it was Melissa, and her friends Jessica, and Stephanie, and a girl at the other end of the table who I've never seen before in my life, but she's been in my dreams before. She has extremely fine dark hair, with random strands of blonde, and it is only shoulder length. She sat quietly and ate, while the other three were really noisy.
The next scene is rated PG-13. I'm kneeling on the floor in my grandma's (?) living room, and the random girl is laying on her back in only her underwear with her head closest to me. I leaned down, and kissed her on the nose, and began tickling and kissing her. Then my parents came in. I was over in the corner, and they were talking to her, and her nose began to get longer, like Pinoccio. Perhaps this is because Mom and Dad think everyone always lies to them. But whatever, that was the end of my dream.
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| A long time to think |
| 05.25.04 (3:46 pm) [edit] |
If I didn't already mention it, I'm working on third shift now, so while the rest of the world is sleeping, I'm at work. It's a bit weird driving to work in the dark (I have terrible nightvision), but it is really cool when I get off work at 6 AM and I go outside and the sun is shining. It gives me the hope of a new day, even though mine is over. There is some deeper meaning in there somewhere, but I'm not going to search for it.
The one thing about third shift that bothers me a little is that if you are working by yourself, and you're tired, you think crazy things. Yesterday (this morning, for all you non third shifters), I even started talking to myself out loud, and realized I should stop once people started looking at me, so I sang instead. One thing about me that I really don't like is that when there is a situation that makes me uncomfortable, it plays over and over again in my head, and it makes me really angry. Situations where I can't really control myself make me feel like a little kid, and yesterday's incident keeps playing over and over again in my head, especially the looks on everyones faces. There are times when stupid stuff happens, and you wonder if you'll ever be able to look that person in the eyes again.
The other thing about working in a factory is that pretty much all of the women had kids when they were 16 or so. THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT MAKES ME GLAD I'M NOT TIED TO ANYONE IN HUNTINGTON. What happens to people here is that they get a job, pizza place, Subway, factory, whatever...and they find a buddy and start making babies. I even feel bad for girls going to school, no matter how far away, who have boyfriends here in Huntington, [i]especially [/i]townie boyfriends. What will happen is they will come back to their boyfriend, hopelessly employed in a dead end job, and start making babies. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THESE GIRLS STUDIED IN SCHOOL. They could have studied nuclear physics, but if they come back here, they aren't going anywhere. They'll be here until all their teeth fall out. Everyone says they'll escape Huntington at the first possible moment, but how are you going to do that with a boyfriend who is nearing 30 and [i]still[/i] delivering pizzas. Sure, it's possible, but not probable. WHY in hell would you tie yourself to a place you want to leave. Because of that special person you spent all that time with? Let me tell you something! There are more than [i]six billion[/i] people on this forsaken planet...making that 5,999,999,986,000 of them non-Huntington residents. Odds are, [i]one[/i] of those 5.99 billion people can suit your needs. Am I bitter? Yes. Will I laugh when I come to my HS reunion and half of the "smart" girls in my AP English class are married, engaged, or pregnant, and tied to a Huntingtonite? YES! I do believe that you get what you give/deserve. If you were an arrogant bitch, you'll get what's coming to you...a drug addict/drunkard/ex-con husband, your teeth will all fall out, and you'll have [i]at least[/i] five kids. Oh...and you'll live in Huntington for the rest of your life...in one of the trailers on the west side, or one of the crappy houses south of the river. But none of you girls are going to read this, so why am I writing? For the record, I suppose. Then I can say, "I TOLD YOU SO!" Or maybe I'll just treat you the way most of you have treated me all the time I've been here, and ignore you! I don't believe you people. I forgot what I was talking about. Oh well.
One more thing: people don't become successful because they're nice...they're successful because people [i]think [/i]that they are nice. Gotta keep up appearances. :wink:
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| Don't lay on the horn if you aren't sure they'll never see you again! |
| 05.24.04 (5:30 pm) [edit] |
Tonight, my sister and I had a near death experience. I was driving around where I shouldn't have been in the first place, and I saw someone I knew, so I honked, and sped off, leaving them looking after us confused. Then I did something revealing of the idiotic tendencies of my manhood--I turned around and went back, similar in a way to how guys like to go back and see the splattered animals they've run over in the street.
So, I went back, and stopped. I saw Melissa and her friend Jenny, and then I realized that Melissa's boyfriend was getting out of his car. He came over to my window as Melissa was yelling at him. The idiot had his car door open the first time we went by, and it was still open when we came back, so I guess he thought we were honking at him. Then, he started laughing and asked if he knew me...if only! I should have been even more typical of my gender and gotten out of the car in response to this challenge! But the logic part of my brain took over. I'm doing just great!
The moral of today's story: if you don't know for sure who you are honking at, don't honk!
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| A date with Tad Hamilton |
| 05.22.04 (7:33 pm) [edit] |
"Hmm..." you're thinking, after reading that subject line. Has Stephan gone off the deep end, and betrayed all of his moral sense and turned gay? No. Please let me explain...
Tonight my mom and 2 sisters and I watched the chick flick A date with Tad Hamilton. I'll say that it is a pretty good movie, and kinda how I wish my life would go, but I know it won't. That movie is the way life really is (except for the happy ending)--people love other people who don't return the love. And the ones who love us a lot of times end up being taken for granted. For those of you who have seen the movie, the bartender is the classic example. She loves the main character, Pete, but he loves Rosie. When Rosie leaves, she gets her chance (until Rosie comes back). Yes, I think that it is mostly true that when our love is not reciprocated by the people we love the most, we have to try our luck with the second best. That is why I'm so sad.
For me, it seems that I always fall for the girls that already have boyfriends. I don't know why that is. It may be that I enjoy a challenge, but I've been told that I'm actually afraid that someone might love me back. I think whoever told me that is probably right, as sad and pathetic as that is. I won't speak about myself, but from what I've seen, unreciprocated love is the most steadfast and pure, because it does not expect to be returned. But then again, that can't be entirely true, because you can't have love without first having hope.
I'm going to go cry myself to sleep now.
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| Five years old |
| 05.13.04 (10:00 am) [edit] |
There are days when I wish I were still five years old, a time when school was fun, before I knew fear, when I could hide, before I knew how things worked, before I knew what love was, before stress, before money, before leaving...when girls could still be friends.
Don't lose yourself.
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| I'm home |
| 05.10.04 (8:17 pm) [edit] |
Whew...I'm finally home.
The year was much too long, but the summer may be long too. I know what I'm looking for, but the fact that I can't have it is going to give me an ulcer.
Moving home really sucked. I lost at least two boxes...one with my entire CD collection and digital camera, and another with all of my papers and projects from my freshman year at IU. So yeah, that really sucked.
I really need to do something so I have a new story. Last week was lots of fun, and now most of the relevant and timely stories start with "Melissa..." And my last story of the sort...she's going to Virginia on Wednesday, which I completely forgot, so I'm bored. Well...I was bored anyway.
I passed a middle school math test so I can work in the factory, and went to take my urine test for drugs. I'll start work next Wednesday, so I'll be a lot busier and have a lot less time to feel sorry for myself. Not that I really feel sorry for myself, it's just boredom. I'm going to try to work as many hours as I can, so 40+ per week. Anything I make over 40 is time-and-a-half or double time. And at $11/regular hour, double time would be extra sweet. As evil as it sounds, I kinda hope Mike gets in trouble with the car, so Dad can renegotiate Mike's "lease" to me, so I can have a car for the fall. I'm kinda sad that all of my friends will be moving off campus, and I'll want a way to get to go see them. I think that for my senior year, I will probably live off campus. I'm not sure how much more of the on campus BS I can take.
Dad is going to Atlanta on Wednesday, and if I get up to take him to the airport at 4 AM and pick him up around midnight, I'll get to have the car for the day. That will be sweet. He drives a Malibu MAXX, which is a really pimp ride. Any ladies want to ride, gimme a shout out. You know where to find me :wink:
I feel like a lot nicer guy lately...Sara and I are friends again (I think :wink: ), and I've gotten to catch up with my mom. But there is still something empty inside. I think I am a very physically emotional person as well as a people person, and I don't get to express those things very often. I think I've been doing a bad job with friends, and I need to hang out with them more often, but I don't want to seem like a stalker (I'm not a stalker). It makes me sad sometimes, because I have people who have known me for a long time, and they know what I'm thinking, but I missed out on being a good friend for them, due to moving and other negative effects on my timing. I loathe you Time! You're always really mean to me. Maybe that is why they say patience is a virtue. I guess I can just wait to get mine. As I've said before, I'll be coming back, Count of Monte Cristo style. If you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch the movie. It is my life, only 300 years ago, or whenever that took place.
I just have one more thing to say tonight, and it is about love. I have been in love for a looooooong time, but mine has never been reciprocated, though recently acknowledged by the girl. I will never force someone to love me. However, I can't help but be sad when girls don't leave relationships just because they don't think they could do better (it may just be that I think they could do better, but whatever). You can do better, and you will. Also, there is plenty of time to get married and have a family. Just don't make [i]me[/i] wait too long :wink: But I guess I'm not really a good expert on love, considering how much I've experienced...as near to absolute zero as scientists have ever gotten...that's me, baby!
Well, that's all for now. I'm going to try to keep this fresh at least once a week. Get a subscription with Bot a Blog, and post comments or send me a private message. I'm tired of writing these long-ass blogs and having no one respond to them (besides you, Kelli :)). Goodnight all!
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