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| The question of the day |
| 02.25.04 (7:02 pm) [edit] |
Q: "Stephan, how are you doing today?"
A: "I'm not sure. I guess I'll find out tomorrow."
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| Popcorn...it's what's for dinner |
| 02.22.04 (7:04 pm) [edit] |
Today was one of those days...just floating around feeling really strange and out of place. After my behavior last night online, I've decided to stay off there for at least a week. This morning I went to church, which was good. When I got home, I shaved my head, because I was feeling kinda miserable, so I decided to decrease the strain on my brain and remove the lid. I went to conversations on race, which was fun as always. :wink: When I got back, I went to Connexion, a college student worship service with Julie, one of the other RAs here. I needed to be there...I'm forgetting the message and falling to temptation, bitterness, jealousy and all those other bad things that one can get into when one is alone. Well...tonight I'm feeling particularly merciless on this path to righteousness...but I'm going to have to stick to Gardettos, popcorn, a cookie and some V8 Splash. As for those people...I'll be looking a little closer at you.
By the way...the only person I'm missing right now is Kelli. If you think I miss you, please remind me by clicking the comment button below and reminding me. I've been forgetful lately.
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| YAY! |
| 02.19.04 (8:58 am) [edit] |
It's a beautiful day! I went for a run up to McNutt, and ran back. It is such a great day. I had forgotten that there are so many beautiful people at IU...but then again I'm at Forest. We don't have those here. They're all in the NW or off campus. Oh well, it will be spring soon! :wink: hey...59 today!
I feel like singing...and I'm really hot 8)
I love you all! Stephan
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| The secrets we keep...and LIES! |
| 02.18.04 (7:38 pm) [edit] |
There is one thing I like about communication...people must interact in order for it to occur. I still hate cell phones, and hope I never own one. I always will feel this way or I have been corrupted.
I feel so much better after sharing some things about myself with a new friend. When it was her turn to share, I was shocked by what terrible experiences were hidden beneath the surface of this petite and beautiful package. I do not know why dogs sometimes cock their heads to the side and stick one ear up in the air, but I think that it is when they are deep in contemplation of such an enigma as this. I'm not a freak (I hope someone will cover me on that), but sometimes I find people mesmerizing. Anyway...back on topic. I find it interesting that people carry their own baggage all of the time. It seems to me that it is a lot easier to carry someone elses baggage than it is to carry your own. And in doing so, we bind each other together. Anyway, I'd better move on before I puke, with all of these images of utopia.
I believe in the "burden of history." There is a weight to each event in human history (even personal history). People who carry their weight around by themselves are not only being inefficient, but they are not helping the rest of us by letting us see what the true weight of this burden is. I feel that the greater number of people who are bearing the weight of an event, the easier it is to bear collectively, because we all have something that can aid us in bearing that load. And for people who don't think they can handle it, they are absolutely right! We need each other to help bear our loads. Don't even get me into that corny "lean on me" song. By sharing our experiences, we can lighten everyones load together! I feel so much lighter today, but slightly crappy...for reasons unrelated to the implementation of my theory. Actually, no...there is something I can't bear, but I can't let go of it yet, because it is something that I'm not sure even exists. I should just stop now.
LIES...don't even get me into that tonight. Just kidding! You'll have to read my blog another day (that is if I remember what was the point of adding the "and lies" to the end of my title)
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| Memories |
| 02.16.04 (8:00 pm) [edit] |
I was having a conversation today with a friend about memories, and being apart. It is interesting to me, that as a culture, we place such importance on memories, but in actuality, they are fragile and weak. I mean, what large percentage of business in the US is marketed on the idea of memory preservation (Diamonds are forever, Hallmark cards, etc).
When I moved to Indiana in 1993, I was in fourth grade. I didn't become popular, and when I went to middle school the next year, it was the worst two years I spent in any school. Not only did I have very few friends, but my mom made my clothes, which is pretty embarrassing for a middleschooler. When I found out that our family would be moving to Michigan in the Summer of 1997, I was as happy as one could be.
Five years later, I found out we would be moving from north of Richmond, Virginia back to Huntington, Indiana. I was horrified. The four years I had spent in Indiana had been the worst of my life. The memories haunt me to this day. However, on the first day of my senior year at Huntington North HS, something interesting happened. At lunch, I hadn't yet found anyone I knew from my times in middle school, so I found someone to sit with. To my surprise, she knew some of the people from my middleschool days. Anyway...I was shocked when someone ran up to me yelling, "is that who I think it is?!" The person then gave me a huge hug and picked me up off the ground. Over time, and after many discussions with my former antagonists, they informed me that I was their middle school hero: I stood up for myself and what I believed in, regardless of whether it was popular or not. However, there are some people who still don't like me.
What I learned was that [i]your[/i] memories are the result of [i]your[/i] experiences, but also your biases. Other people see things differently, and react to you differently. You may think that you were an idiot, but others may see things differently.
Memories change things. Time can make things seem better or worse than they actually were/are. People may seem more and more perfect as they pass time apart. It is a problem I have sometimes.
I guess I'm still trying to figure what I can trust.
[i](If you don't have any idea what I'm talking about at this point, watch the movie Memento)[/i]
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| This sucks |
| 02.11.04 (9:25 pm) [edit] |
The more time goes by, the less I think that I want to come back to Forest. Its a good deal and all, but the policies are so hypocritical. This job is possibly the most physically and psychologically draining job ever.
I don't even have energy left to go any farther. I can't wait till this weekend (I'm getting out of this craphole and going home).
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| The big surprises |
| 02.07.04 (4:52 pm) [edit] |
Today I couldn't sleep past 9 AM because of Asad's computer bleep-bleeping above me. So...I got up, played some computer, watched TV, read some newspapers, and had some lunch.
This afternoon, I went to the Indiana/Iowa basketball game. We played horribly, but with about 6 minutes left, we pulled ourselves up to tie, and stayed with them. Miraculously, we pulled off overtime. Overtime went well, and we pulled ahead, but they caught up to tie us for a second overtime. The crowd was wild. The people who stayed were frantically calling the fools who'd left, telling them to come back. Then, in the second overtime, after a four minute scoring drought for both teams, we scored, and they matched, but in the last five seconds, they pulled off a two pointer. For the second game in a row we lost by two points. We're going to have to do miraculously in these last few Big Ten games, or we are going to NIT this year, for the first time in twenty five years. If that happens, Coach Davis will surely be fired. Anyway...
Right now, I'm just chillin', listening to Dave Matthews and watching the primary/caucus results coming in.
Earlier today, I was randomly looking at the website of someone I know, and I discovered two surprises. Not only is the guy gay, but more shockingly, he's a republican. I never would have guessed, and I admire that.
I've been surprised every day this week, so I'm kinda expecting to be surprised more in the future. Watch out...you may be surprised too :wink:
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| Un Jour Interessant |
| 02.06.04 (10:46 pm) [edit] |
Today was quite an interesting day. This morning, I was supposed to go to PT, and my alarm was set and everything, but I woke up and turned it off, which is kinda counterproductive. I'll call it a combination of systems malfuction and human error. By the time I woke up, it was 6:10, so I was just like **** it, and I went back to sleep.
When I woke up, it was 10:00, so I played on my computer some, and at noon, I went to eat lunch with Aaron and Travis. They're really cool, which is something I wasn't really sure of until this week. I thought that they thought completely different than I do, but they think more like me than I do!
After coming home, I called my mom to wish her a happy birthday. It kinda sucks for her, because there was no school for the kiddies, so she was home with four complaining kids on a weekday. For my mom, weekdays for us are weekends for her. Five day weekends, except for the fact that out of the past two weeks, the kids have had no school for about five days. Since I don't have a 'valentine' with which to celebrate next weekend's gloriously pathetic and excessively commercialized holiday, I'll be going home next weekend. I probably wouldn't think so harshly of it if I actually had someone special, but whatever.
During the afternoon, I was interrogated by Sara, one of the other RAs for at least two hours. It was very interesting. I didn't really learn much about her, but I learned much about me, and I'm really intrigued by her. I feel as if a part of me was taken by her, and I'm not sure if I'm going to get it back, or if it's just another one of those pieces of me that's just out there floatin around somewhere. There are quite a few of those.
Tonight, I played Risk with four of the guys from my floor, and I came in a solid third place. That's right in the middle. Pretty good. I love Risk. Then we went to Mother Bear's (I don't really like the pizza, but whatever), and watched for hotties, but apparently everyone goes to parties on Fridays. (Who would have guessed?)
It makes me very sad that I can no longer post pictures for free.
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| Nobody |
| 02.06.04 (11:13 am) [edit] |
Heaven fell on herself tonight
As the devil met me in the wishing well
And in that moment I found myself knowing
That in the end it's just about you and me
Nothing smaller or larger
Though dragons are good for the soul
Nothing can be beter than baring yourself for another...
Open for scrutiny, ridicule, and indulgence
Therein lies the balls, and the mind, and the heart...
As fear is truly the Mindkiller...
When nothing is left...
Everything is gained...
You see, I wish I was a poet
But I know as we go round and round
Though endings are never happy
It's the happy moments along the way
That in the end
Make it...ok
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| Twists of Fate |
| 02.02.04 (10:01 pm) [edit] |
In the past two weeks, my entire outlook on life has turned around. It's been great. It seems that I've been in the right place in the right time a lot, and I've been motivated beyond belief. My personal organization has gotten a little better, which helps some. As I was saying earlier, a lot of the things that I thought were certain aren't really so certain, and it turns out that I was wrong in many ways. One example is that I made two friends this week. I thought that they were on the other end of the spectrum, but these twins remind me of the two men in the movie [u]Boondock Saints[/u]. Great, great movie. Anyway, for those who haven't seen it, the two men kill people who are ungodly. Great, great stuff. Moral crusaders. They reminded me things that I had forgotten, and the ways that I had been led astray. I had lost time for God, but I've been reminded that if I let it happen, God will give me time for Him. Besides, it's not [i]my[/i] time anyway. I'm living on time that was granted to me by a loving God. Of course, we aren't all meant to [i]preach [/i]the word of God, but we are to [i]spread[/i] the word of God, each in his own way. We all have different gifts, and we cannot all do it the same way. We all have different ways of reaching people.
On a different note, irony also abounds in my life today. I responded to Kelli's post saying how much I hate Valentine's Day, and I received a junk email trying to sell me roses a few seconds after I posted. Anyway...
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